Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
