I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
