Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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