Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
