I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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