Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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