I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
