allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
