hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
