if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
