Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
