I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
