Little spoons don't ask big questions
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will be naked everywhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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