is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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