I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
