I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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