eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
