Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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