I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
