She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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