You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
