Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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