So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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