Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
