We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
