I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
