found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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