Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
