I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
