I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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