This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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