Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
