Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
