He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
