I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You may now shotgun with the bride
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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