Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We left an ass print on the piano.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
