Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
