My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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