is your mom at the bar?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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