I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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