and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
