Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
