I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
