I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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