Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to sanitize my soul.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
