we have pet lesbian snakes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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