They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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