If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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