I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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