Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
