I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just cropdusted the office
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
