the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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