I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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