i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
