I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
