Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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