Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
